‘Ministry of Unnoble Warfare’ review: Guy Ritchie blows up history

When the words “based on a true story” flash in front of a Guy Ritchie movie, you can’t help but laugh.

Because for this director, that’s shorthand for “yes, the names are real, but hardly any of what you’re about to see happened.”

I am happy with that. In the event of Ritchie’s conversion of the “Ministry of Inappropriate Warfare”, flipping the history books is the right decision.

To entertain us, he prefers fun over facts.

The 82-year-old event that the Wrath of Man director distorts is Operation Postmaster, a British effort during World War II in which a group of rogues was secretly sent to the coast of Africa to steal a Nazi supply ship.

Without this precious cargo, German submarines would be unable to operate, allowing American forces to cross the Atlantic and join the war effort.

You won’t be surprised to learn that the Wikipedia page for the operation is much duller than this highly entertaining film of intense shootouts, explosions, and typically bizarre humor.

“An unauthorized, unofficial, unofficial mission,” M (Cary Elwes) says of the risky plan endorsed by Winston Churchill (Rory Kinnear). Young Ian Fleming (Freddie PKB) is also involved in the plot. Much of the inspiration for the ultimate James Bond author came from his time working in Naval Intelligence.

To do their dirty work, they recruit Gus Marsh Phillips (Henry Cavill), a tough, unconventional commando with a knack for k*****g.

He’s discreet – ha! – Sail to the neutral Spanish-controlled colony of Fernado Po and arrest the Big Boat, along with Anders “Danish Hammer” La*sen (Alan Ritchson), Geoffrey Appleyard (Alex Pettyfer), diver and explosives expert Freddy Alvarez (Henry Golding) and young Henry Hayes (hero Fiennes). tiffin).

You can make a drinking game out of all these kittens.

Once they approach the island, they come into contact with spies Heron (Babs Olosanmokun) and Marjorie (Eiza Gonzalez), a Jewish femme fatale who wants revenge on the Germans.

And in a scene that 100% never happened, she seductively sings “Mack the Knife” at a Nazi soirée.

Richie is the best when it comes to getting a group of guys (and sometimes girls) together to complete a bloody, aggressive mission. This is as tight a group for him as ever.

For a change, Cavill gives a sloppy, tough-as-nails good time in a role that doesn’t require him to be a superhero (his last film, the atrocious “Argylle,” had him playing a boring spy). His hair is wavy and curly, and his mustache should get its own IMDB page.

And how refreshing it is to see Golding — Mr. Debonair since he starred in “Crazy Rich Asians” — playing a non-billionaire.

However, other than the unexpected performances, there are no surprises or shocks in this story. It’s a journey from point A to point B that boils down to wise men shooting Nazis. Only Guy Ritchie could turn such a setting into a fun cruise.